After providing 6-months of intensive round-the-clock in-home care, my daughter suggested I consider 2-weeks of respite care for Kristie to allow me to visit family, take care of other business, and get away. What I thought would be a temporary time-out, actually change everything.
My Alzheimer's support group was more than willing to share their experiences and recommendations regarding respite and long-term memory care facilities, but I found the free online resources like A Place for Mom to be the most helpful to locate and help determine which facilities I should visit and consider. After filling out an online form, I was able to scan and compare pricing, ratings, and reviews for the facilities close to me without any marketing pressure.
I ended up visiting three facilities from a list of almost a dozen, from which I selected the one that seemed to provide the best services at a reasonable cost and was close to where we lived. They had a special rate for respite care which made it affordable.
We moved Kristie into the care facility, fully expecting her to be there for only a couple weeks. She had been immobile at this time for 6-months, and physical therapists had told us she would not be walking again. Well - surprise, surprise - during the first week in respite care, Kristie began walking again!
I had the mindset that no matter how well they treated Kristie while in respite care, it wouldn't be as good was what I was providing at home. By the end of the first week, however, it was very evident that she had a better social life and was much more active and involved at the care facility. I was startled that Kristie seemed happier in memory care, but realized that not only was she doing better there, but it also relieved me from the 24-hour a day, never-ending stress as her caregiver. Memory care was expensive, but worth the increased quality of life for both Kristie and me. Kristie would remain in memory care for the next 7 1/2 years with me visiting her almost every morning to help her with breakfast, and again in the evening to spend time with her and help get her into bed.
Kristie's ability to walk lasted less than a year, and she eventually was restricted to a wheelchair, and then a mobile recliner. The Bridge Magazine did an article about Alzheimer's in Michigan which begins and ends with the story of Kristie and me while she was in memory care, including a picture of me feeding Kristie while she was on a liquid diet.
I cannot fully express my appreciation to the care providers who looked after and took care of Kristie during this time, and how they allowed me to be involved and participate in her care. It came at a great financial cost, which may preclude some families from considering residential memory care. We were definitely running a deficit and using up the money we received when we sold our home, but both Kristie and I had better lives and were better able to cope with the restrictions Alzheimer's had brought into our lives.
We took care of my father-in-law in our home for the last 3 years of his life - the final year while he was completely bedfast. There is no comparison to the quality of care Kristie received while she was in memory care. Again, finances will often dictate whether long-term memory care is an option or not - but both the person with Alzheimer's and the caregiver will benefit from professional care.
I am currently serving as the conservator for Kristie's younger sister, who was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's over 5 years ago and is in need of long-term memory care. Fortunately she will have adequate funds by selling her home to qualify for memory care. The facility she is considering requires applicants have funds sufficient to pay for the first two years of long-term care, realizing that they may need to eventually go on Medicaid when their assets are no longer able to meet the monthly expense.
Your comments or willingness to share experiences below related to long-term care placement and facilities would be helpful and appreciated.
Resource Links
- A Place for Mom - fill out an online form to browse and compare pricing, ratings, and reviews of memory care facilities.
- A Place for Mom - 7 steps to choosing the right assisted living facility.
- A Place for Mom - How to pay for independent living.
- SeniorAdvisor.com - online lookup for assisted living and long-term care options in your area with ratings, reviews and listing of services.
- Caring.com - the better way to find the right memory care with prices and a comparison of options.
- AARP.com - what is memory care and how much does it cost?
- Memory Care Facilities - online form to search 40,000+ memory care facilities.
- A Place for Mom - Paying for long-term care
- A Place for Mom - Comparing state costs for assisted living.
Thank you for a beautifully written, uplifting post.
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