The brain really does play tricks on someone with Alzheimer's. Not only do they lose the ability to remember things, they may also start remembering things that didn't happen. As we would drive some place new, Kristie would see someone standing along the road and make the statement, "That person is always standing there", even though we hadn't been on that particular road before.
She was often convinced that we had already done something when I would mention a new experience to her - like going to see a new movie that was just coming out. Even though the movie had only been announced to premiere in a week or two, she was certain we had already been to see it.
It is also common for someone with dementia to make accusations such as something was stolen, or they are being poisoned or held hostage. And it is evident from their demeanor that they are not pretending or just playing around. While this wasn't my experience with Kristie, we certainly had to deal with it while caring for her father who was often upset and accusatory.
False memories and accusations to me are just another indication of how confusing life can be for someone with dementia as they try to make sense of everyday life and are no longer able to reflect accurately on past experiences. It was another situation where I would say to myself, "She doing the best she can." I pity both the caregiver and the person with dementia when a caregiver confronts their loved one like they are lying, or tries to logically point out their error. It's like telling someone who is color blind that they can't believe what they are seeing with their own eyes.
While false memories and accusations can be a painful reminder of how Alzheimer's has disrupted and changed your relationship, it can also increase trust if the caregiver is careful to not embarrass or confront their loved one. There are a number of useful suggestions in the Resource Links that can be helpful on this subject; starting with don't be surprised, don't overreact, and go with the flow.
Your comments or willingness to share experiences below about false memories and accusations would be appreciated.
Resource Links
- Verywellhealth.com - How to respond to confabulation in dementia.
- Alzheimer's Association - Dealing with suspicions and delusions.
- Aging Care - Confabulation in dementia can feel like hurtful lies.
- Daily Caring - 8 ways to deal with false dementia accusations.
- Daily Caring - Responding to 4 common dementia accusations: stealing, poisoning, be held hostage.
- Help for Alzheimer's Families - Quick tips to deal with false accusations and paranoia
- Dementia Australia - Dealing with hallucinations and false ideas.
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